The emotionally mature adult knows beauty is only skin deep.
They understand that the pull of attraction comes from having developed the relational skills necessary to spend a life of love together.
When you have relational skills combined with emotional maturity, you are sure to be a supercharged magnet of attraction.
Here are the four skills that are more attractive than any physical trait, according to YourTango experts:
1. Being able to cultivate empathy
When two people lock eyes across a room, they see hair color, height, hips, and the breadth of a shoulder, but three to six months later the intensity of color pales and the appeal of form diminishes and you are both looking for something that resonates and leaves a sweet taste, something that says, “they get me”.
More attractive than any physical trait is empathy and if it isn’t a language you speak naturally it is a skill you can learn. For those of us who want to make a partner’s life happier, this attractive skill is one you practice in small and great ways. When you say, “Feeling as you do it makes sense that you want me to. Your empathy for your partner allows you to negotiate with you, them, and the relationship in mind.
— Reta Walker, Ph.D. Relationship Coach
2. Ability to resolve conflict
The ability to disagree about the problem and be willing to find a solution or compromise. People understand the power of conflict resolution and low drama. This doesn’t mean that you go along with something you don’t agree with to keep the peace. Rather, it means clear communication and the maturity to find ways to work together. When you can provide peace for a person, you automatically become more desirable because humans exert more energy to avoid pain than to seek pleasure.
— Ed Latimore, Life Coach
3. Not conforming
Both men and women are more attracted to the profiles of people who know their minds.
In a world that sometimes feels like it presses too hard for conformity, it feels more than a little bit excellent to know that an independent mind is where it’s at to send sparks flying.
Women with their own minds are the ones who get their attention — and the first date.
— Karen Young, psychologist
4. Linguistic ability
Being a great communicator who knows the language and proper tone to be commanding and direct, gentle and kind, challenging or encouraging, as well as how to articulate feelings, is intensely attractive.
— Leah Grant, Spiritual Guide
When we spend time working on ourselves to build better relationship skills, we acknowledge and become active in doing the self-work required for a human being to reach their full potential.
Good relational skills create a better life for you and those you love. Also, knowing how to lead with empathy, resolve conflict, and be true to yourself are powerful and attractive to anyone who has developed the same skills in themselves.
Will Curtis is a writer and associate editor for YourTango. He’s been featured on the Good Men Project and taught English abroad for ten years.